Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
