Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
