Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
