Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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