you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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