party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
