What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
