This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
