I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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