Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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