you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
