Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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