I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
