Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
