I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
