The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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