when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
