dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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