Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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