Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
