Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
