a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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