mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
