so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
