you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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