She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
