3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
