i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just invented taco cereal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
