i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I supernannyed him into submission
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
