So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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