New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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