I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
