can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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