You're so nebulous sometimes
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
