you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The beer is more important than you right now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
