cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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