I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
