Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
