sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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