I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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