Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
