if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
