I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
