I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
