I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
