So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
