I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
