Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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