a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
