Define "chronic" masturbator.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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