Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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